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Leadership is a two-way street by julie puentes last week, i had an enlightening conversation with a fellow horse person that caused me to reflect on an important dimension of leadership

Leadership is a Two-Way Street
by Julie Puentes

Last week, I had an enlightening conversation with a fellow horse person that caused me to reflect on an important dimension of leadership. She described her recent challenges with her horse who has always been a friendly, reliable, and sweet guy. But, recently his behavior had changed drastically. He was now aloof, hard to catch, fearful, and sometimes defensive. She was worried and desperately wanting him to return to his former self, so she was using various training techniques in an attempt to modify his behavior. I was struck by how her initial instinct and answer seemed to be to train and manipulate his behavior to suit her needs, rather than search for underlying reasons for his change. I realized that this is a common response when we desire a different response from people (or horses).  We complain, demand, and attempt to control the behavior of others and are often frustrated when they don’t acquiesce to our notion of how they should act. When it doesn’t work, we feel frustrated.  Frustration, after all, is just an emotional message that tells us that whatever action we are taking is not effective.

Many times, this frustration stems from the fact that we don’t realize how our own expectations and beliefs are coloring how we perceive someone else’s behavior. For example, we sometimes fail to recognize our desire for someone to act a certain way in order to make us happy, forgetting that it is not that person’s responsibility to do so. An insistence that others act differently prevents us from being curious about the message behind people’s behavior and stops us from questioning our motivations and stories that might contribute to our dissatisfaction.

So, what can we do when confronted with behavior that frustrates, confuses, angers, or saddens us? Here are three things to remember in these situations.

  1. Accept where the person is and allow them to have their emotions. This does not mean you have to agree with their behavior or reactions, but it does mean that you realize they are acting in the best way they can in the moment. Allowing the behavior of people (or horses) without immediately jumping in to judge or react negatively gives both of you the space to relax and reflect without feeling the added pressure of your judgment or demands for change.
  2. Ask yourself how you could adjust your own behavior or responses to positively influence the situation. As in the story above about the woman and her horse, we often begin by thinking of the ways we can convince or manipulate others to act the way we think they “should.”   A better place to start is by asking yourself what shift you can make in your responses that could shift the relationship and encourage dialogue, trust, or openness. For example, you can ask what negative reactions or preconceived beliefs might be preventing you from being open to what is going on for this person? Or, ask yourself, is there something about the way I am showing up that is helping to fuel the very behavior I don’t like? Am I withdrawing, lashing out, or holding judgments? Sometimes, the answer is no and sometimes it is yes.  However, what is most important is the willingness to explore these questions, which increase your awareness and at the very least, encourage you to try different approaches rather than doing and saying the same things over and over with no significant change or improvement.
  3. Be relentlessly curious. This applies to your own behavior and actions as well as others. In every situation and in every conversation, there is a tremendous amount that we simply don’t know. We can’t just assume we know what is going on from our own assessments because they are only based on the information in front of us and how we interpret it. By trusting that we don’t have all of the information we are more likely to discover information that helps us understand, have compassion, and ultimately arrive at a solution that works for both parties and improves the relationship.

What does this have to do with leadership? Everything.  Leadership is born out of the willingness of others to follow your guidance, direction, and vision.  True leadership does not occur when you attempt to “train” others to fix or change their behavior. Rather it occurs when others believe that you have their best interest at heart, you care, and can be trusted to provide a safe space for them to show up authentically. Under those conditions, others will be willing to follow you. Remember, they may not agree with your choices either, but by using the tools above, you have a better chance of successful interactions and fulfilling relationships.

Where a range of acceptable styles exist factors other than those in the “dimensions” need to be included

Where a range of acceptable styles exist factors other than those in the “dimensions” need to be included.

The Need to be Flexible

The situational approach to analyzing decisions highlights the inherent weakness in the rigid adoption of one particular decision style. There is no single decision style that is appropriate for all types of decision.

It would seem therefore that rather than let long term issues of style override the needs of a particular decision, the more effective approach is to:

(1)      Determine the type of decision being faced by considering the four dimensions of “Quality”, Information”, “Commitment” and “Capability”.

(2)      Isolate the range of acceptable styles by excluding those which are unacceptable in the circumstances.

(3)      If there is more than one acceptable style, choose the one which fits in with long term aims or alternatively choose the style which is likely to get the decision made most quickly.

 Problems in the Situational Approach

An approach which bases decision style on the demands of the situation poses a number of problems.

Many factors can combine to produce such rigidity, including:

–          Past experience of success and failures.

–          Comfort and familiarity with a particular style

–          Encouragement in using a particular style by senior management, or by

–          The prevailing organizational climate

–          Current, trends, for example, towards participation and democracy in decision


–          A being of that getting help from other is “weak management”

–          A lack of skill in diagnosing different problems

–          A lack of skill in operating a wide range of different styles


The personal skill of the manager is of considerable importance in organizational decision making, but it is a necessary rather than a sufficient condition for effective decision making.

“Content” needs    Essentially concerned with “what” it is that the group or team are doing.

“Process” needs    Essentially concerned with “how” the team actually operates. Group members need skills in working together and in “living” together as a group.

Task Process Activities

(1)      Initiating  – putting new ideas forward or starting up new activities.

(2)      Asking – getting information or views, actively searching out facts and ideas.

(3)      Clarifying – helping in understanding, re-starting defining terms, asking for explanation.

(4)      Summarizing bringing ideas together.

(5)      Testing for agreement – checking if the group is ready to make a decision.

Maintenance Process Activities

(1)      Harmonizing – bringing others together, exploring and recording disagreements.

(2)      Gate keeping – bringing others into the discussion, allowing everyone to participate.

(3)      Encouraging – agreeing, responding positively to others, building and supporting.

(4)      Listening – showing that ideas are heard, showing understanding.

(5)      Standard setting – stating feelings and beliefs, brining things out into open discussion.

The Flexible Role Structure

The particular balance between the need for content understanding and expertise, and that for task and maintenance process skills, is likely of course, to vary from one situation to another.

Organizing for an Effective Team

In the same way that managers cannot be expected to be effective leaders without the necessary skills and experience, work team members cannot be expected to work together effectively without processing an adequate level of skills and understanding of what in required.

Development of Content Capability

As we have said, individuals are usually recruited into work teams on the basis of their content experience.

Task Process Skills

Skills in this area are gained both through training and through experience. The manager can help group members to gain skills by using regular group tasks as learning vehicles.

In order to increase task process skill then, the manager can:

(1)      ensure that team members are trained in problem solving strategies

(2)      ensure that the team look regularly at its own performance and effectiveness in problem solving and task completion.

Maintenance Process Skills

There is no doubt that, however strong in content capability and task process skills a group’s performance can be severely affected by a poor maintenance process.

Such group training situations are designed to help individuals to (1) explore and understand more about their own values, motivation and behavior; (2) observe and investigate the way their own behavior impacts on others; and (3) learn about the interpersonal processes that help and hinder the way groups operate and make decisions.

Dessler suggests the following guidelines to be used in conducting T-group training:

–          T-group should only be used where an open, flexible style is appropriate for organizational needs.

–          Attendance on a T-group should be voluntary.

–          Participants should be carefully screened before going on T-group.

–          The trainee should be an experienced professional.

–          Mechanisms must be built in or transferring learning back into the work organisation.

–          Trainees should know beforehand what kind of experience they are getting into.

The Characteristic of an Effective Team

The next stage, after organizing and preparing the ground for effective teamwork, is to check out how successful these efforts have been.

Recruiting for the Decision Making Group

For most managers, the main strategy for improving team effectiveness is, as described previously, one of training and development of existing team members.

Personality Characteristics as Key Variables

Over a period of seven years, Belbin and his colleagues were able to observe and investigate the performance of a considerable number of teams undertaking the same competitive task.

The four traits which appeared to be most significant were:

– Intelligence, – Dominance, – Extroversion/Introversion, – Stability / Anxiety

Highest paying affiliate program , everybody hype to hold this label, in this article i will encourage you consider which one is most effective for you and specifically, how to investigate out their boasts with these easy few methods

Highest Paying Affiliate Program, everybody hype to hold this label, in this article I will encourage you consider which one is most effective for you and specifically, how to investigate out their boasts with these easy few methods. Highest Paying Affiliate Program When scouting for a product to sell or an affiliate program to be part of, you for sure want to join one that is presently well known and furnishing. You do not want to join anything new that most of your soon to be customers have not seen yet, remember this your customers will more likely buy after seeing or hearing about it at least six or seven times so do not be try anyone’s first five, this is the first step. To be the top paying affiliate system you do not have to find a product that’s very costly, just find one that is within the range of about $50.00 to $150.00 profit range that is getting lots of search volume daily often something that has to do with relationships, weight loss, or making money. You can do this by just going to google and typing in subject plus sign, and the word affiliate program like this “weight loss + affiliate program” next find one you think may be popular and then go to “keyword tool external” in your google search. This tool allows you to see exactly how many people search for this product last month you want to see at least 4000 searches for last month, remember now this is only google does not include yahoo, msn, or any of the hundreds of smaller search engines.Once you find a product and join their affiliate program you completed step two. Phase three is where many regularly people cause their mistake, You must first market their product the way they say is best for you using their letters and advice they give. Remember you are an affiliate they still get paid off of you marketing, so they will most often give you the stuff that worked for them and got the best results. So do not start off by marketing their product your own way at least until you have some experience in online marketing. Your 1st mission will be to finish some coaching they will more likely have for you in the back office, usually inside of the first week you will make your first sale, your second goal should be to make one sale daily or seven sales weekly, then duplicate the method over again and again.

I feel that i’ve truly found my calling as an internet marketing coach

I feel that I’ve truly found my calling as an Internet marketing coach. Every day, I get to participate in assisting people to reach levels of financial freedom that they didn’t think were possible.

As a marketing coach, I get to follow my passion. I also get to follow my own schedule!

While the perks are tangible and definite for me, there are moments as a coach that are challenging.

Today I’d like to discuss the top 2 common challenges that I face as a marketing coach in the hopes that it can provide some insights for you and your Internet business.

Fear of Success

The idea of the fear of success may sound a little odd to you. The commonly held view is that an Internet business is all about the determined search for success.

However, it has been my experience that sometimes people are afraid to reach for those new heights in their Internet business. Every day they’re getting pounded with negative talk about the economy and the overall state of the world in general.

I’m not saying that the recession isn’t real. I know that many people are suffering right now due to the downturn in the economy. But what I am saying is to not let that scare you off from pursuing your financial freedom.

We receive so many message over the course of our lives that we’re not good enough, that we don’t deserve to be happy. We’re often told that our lot in life is to suffer, particularly in the financial arena. It may look like no amount of marketing can break through those emotions.

These feelings that we have are only too human! However, if and when they do happen to you, take note of them. And then bid them a sweet adieu! There quite frankly isn’t any space for fear of success with your Internet business.

You want to take advantage of your coach during those moments of doubt. I’ve certainly learned techniques to help push through my fear of success. The techniques that I’ve learned are probably some of the most important tools that I can give you as you build your own Internet business.

Unrealistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations is another common challenge that I handle as a marketing coach.

I understand that people are chomping at the bit to change their financial destiny. I respect those feelings. I truly want to offer marketing support that allows people to have thriving Internet businesses.

Yet, there’s a certain type of person who wants all of their financial triumphs to happen in the blink of an eye. It’s difficult for them to truly accept that there aren’t any shortcuts. I don’t have any magical tricks up my coaching sleeve. Internet-marketing support isn’t a spell that I can cast at will.

No matter what kind of coaching and experience that I offer to this type of person, it is never fast enough. However, that same person is often not willing to put in the serious time and effort required to lift and sustain the business. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I always want to coach my clients to avoid my pitfalls.

One of my goals is that while my clients have a burning desire to succeed at their Internet business, I also need to coach them to be patient and to be able to see the big picture.

Take Note and Make Changes

You may have seen elements of yourself in these 2 challenges that I have discussed. That’s fine. Identifying the challenges is the first step. What’s key is that you make the necessary changes so that you’re not a long-term example of these challenges. By making adjustments, you’ll be able to benefit a great deal more from your work with your Internet marketing coach.

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